I got a library book from the university library about a week and a half ago. I usually don't get what I'd call "serious" library books while I'm in school, but I was intrigued by the material in this one. The book is titled "Lincoln and the Power of the Press: the War for Public Opinion" by Harold Holzer. I started reading and kept being interested, until I wanted to call my mom to share something.
And my mom isn't around to share with now.
Mom and I used to read the same book and compare our reactions to things in it, especially books about Lincoln. We both graduated with bachelor degrees in American History. Even in college, I'd call her up and share something I had read for class. She joined a book club and would share what the latest book they were reading would be, and sometimes I'd read it too.
I loved talking with her.
And finding myself crying while reading about Lincoln writing copy to support his political ambitions? That was a bit strange.
But that's what grief is like. It's better than it used to be, sometimes, and other times, it just rushes all over you again. Then you're just trying to keep your head afloat until the wave subsides again.
It's been about 9 1/2 months now. I figure my entire life here on earth will be filled with these moments. They are both good and bad. Good: because I loved my mom and I got to fill my heart with memories. Bad: because I miss her. So much.
Until we meet again, Mom. I miss you.